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A Humorous Look at the Bright Side of Cancer... and There Is One

February 26th, 2013

Wanted: New Sugar Sponsor

 

February 3, 2013
February 3, 2013

“Hello, my name is Marie de Haan and it has been 18 days since I last ate sugar.” This is what I would say at a Sugaraholic Anonymous meeting if I were to attend one.

The last time I advertised for a sugar sponsor was back on November 5, 2010. Cathy volunteered for the task but I have not heard from her in a couple of years now. I guess she’s fired.

In re-reading over some of my old blog posts, I realized just how much sugar I eat: Bit-O-Honey, Trader Joe Dark Chocolate Covered Caramels, Milk Duds, Haribo licorice… um… where was I? Oh yes, drooling over sugar… Mentos, Jelly Bellies, Haagen-Dazs… ah, summer… ice cream… Drumsticks… snap out of it…

Hmph. No wonder I got cancer (and fat), eating all that junk.

When I was 14 years old, Dr. Martinez told me to “stop eating sugar” because of the results of the six-hour glucose tolerance test he had just run. He didn’t have to tell me that I couldn’t tolerate it; sugar made me sick whenever I ate it. Years later, in my 20s and 30s, Dr. Joe told me I can’t “eat sugar like regular people” if I ever wanted to lose a single pound. When I turned 42 and received the diagnosis of Stage III breast cancer, Haley–the newest naturopath–warned me over and over again that “cancer feeds on sugar.” Did I listen to any of them? Sporadically. On occasion. When I felt like it. Mostly, ah, no.

Well, since meeting Chatty Cathy, I quit eating sugar cold turkey. The first two weeks were a piece of cake, I mean, carrot… I mean carrot cake. Waaaaa. I want ice cream: Haagen-Dazs Rocky Road, to be exact.

So, if you think you are up to the task of being my sugar sponsor and saving me from myself, email me soon.

 

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Wanted: New Sugar Sponsor

  1. Oh dear! I’ve been a lousy sugar sponsor!! And I disagree that it’s been two years!! I’m thinking all that sugar that I haven’t been saving you from has made your brain a little fuzzy when it comes to memory!! So, I’ve decided to come back as your sugar sponsor and I’m going to give you great suggestions for non sugar type delicious treats via email or telephone. Ready to start tomorrow?? Lets get together for coffee to make our plan :) what time shall we meet at Starbucks? Xo and ps I’ve missed you!!

    1. Cathy,

      Yay! I’m so glad you’re back. I’ve needed you.

      Actually, it’s been a little more than two years. November, 2010 is when I first started looking for a sugar sponsor.

      I just want to know… do you make these little non-sugar type delicious treats, too, for your… hm… what would I be called? Your sponsoree? Your pathetic loser-friend that can’t kick her sugar habit?

      By the way, I did have another friend step up to be my sponsor, too. She texted me for about ten minutes tonight. Just letting you know you have a little competition. And I have a chance in sticking to this longer than 18 days with two of you tag-teaming me.

      -Marie

  2. Marie,
    I think you should stay away from Cathy as your sugar sponsor. Sounds like she didn’t take her job serious. For this reason I’d like Cathy to be my sugar sponsor because I love sugar and don’t really want to give it up :-) . I think that’s great- you going sugar free. I’m actually giving it up for March to see how it goes. Maybe we can have tea and be sugar free grumps together

    1. Deb,

      Uh oh. Cathy is going to see you talking smack about her since she also commented on this post.

      She is taking her job more seriously this time, though. Not sure I like that or not. As you said, I can’t hide from her now and eat WHATEVER I WANT.

      Good luck on your giving up sugar for March. I would love to get together for tea and cookies (Let’s see if Cathy is paying attention and catches that word.) sometime this month.

      -Marie

      P.S. I’m still waiting for your story. :)

  3. Marie, you are cracking me up. How about a delicious sweet orange? If we can get you hooked on nature’s sweet treats while you are detoxing from your sugar addiction we will win the battle!!

    1. Cathy,

      Well, I just happen to have a few delicious sweet oranges here. I am getting kind of sick of frozen peaches in my protein shakes. What can I say? Our peach trees were pretty prolific last year and you know how Dutch I am. I froze a bunch after making a bunch of jam (which I don’t eat… don’t worry).

      Good job, sugar sponsor #2.

      Did you see what Deb wrote about you at 5:12 this morning? You may be getting some new customers.

      -Marie

  4. I just found out on Wednesday that Chatty Cathy is my co-worker. I was worried that I might have offended a friend of yours who didn’t know my sarcastic humor. Since Finding out its the same Cathy from my office…..I still regret my previous post. Chatty Cathy has been making sure my lunch is healthy, sneaking in my drawer looking for hidden sweets, going through my bags and jacket pockets when I step out of the office – it’s out of control. :-) I am just joking. She will be a great sugar sponsor for you.

  5. Deborah,

    Small world, eh? However, there are two Cathys.

    The Cathy that you work with is Sugar Sponsor #2 (formally known as simply my sugar sponsor, fired as my sponsor due to inactivity, since relegated to Sugar Sponsor #2 since another friend stepped up to be Sugar Sponsor #1 right before her).

    Chatty Cathy is a woman I met while hiking the Fragrance Lake trail on February 8 that started this whole “staying away from sugar” business in the first place.

    I can totally picture Cathy going through your stuff, so don’t be too sure that you are joking. Phew, am I glad I don’t work with her. Then again, I’m an honest person, and if I end up cheating, she will know about it. She’ll get about ten phone calls from me beforehand and will hopefully be able to stop me.

    -Marie

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Marie de Haan

Marie de Haan

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