Boobie Jokes

Buying new bras is right up there for me in the same category as having a root canal. I drove down to Nordstrom yesterday to meet the fitter, Laurie. The last time I did this was ten years ago when I was getting fitted not only for a new bra, but also for a new […]

It’s nice to know that my son is like every other red-blooded male out there: obsessed with boobies. (He also wrote about this same subject on the whiteboard in my hospital room during my breast reconstruction.) All those years ago, when all my parts were still intact, I took my body for granted. The day […]

Last weekend, I was in the middle of a rousing game of Euchre when the subject turned to mammograms. My game partner—we’ll call her Bertha—blurted out, “If I ever end up with a lump, I’ll have to start wearing a bra.”

  It was January 17, 2014. “Hey, Jonathan, come here.” I sat at my desk reading over the email I had received from Katrina Thompson (nee West) of Kat West Beads. He bounded over. “This woman,” I pointed at her picture, “was diagnosed with two different types of cancer, she loved my book, and now […]

I’ve talked about my rock star friend in the U.K. I’ve also made a friend on the island of Maui. Ken and I ate lunch with her today. We talked and laughed together for over two hours and it was one of the highlights of my whole trip. I first met Lei when Ken and […]

  Yesterday, my mom and I were driving back from one of our housecleaning jobs. “I need to go to the Dutch store up in Lynden,” I said. “I need to get some more soup, Nasi Goreng, and maybe some capucijners. Do you want to come with me?” Ignoring me, she replied, “I need a […]

I feel like I’ve gone zero to six over these past few years. Anyone who has read my book—or been within five feet of me during one of my rants—knows that I had insurance when I was diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer three years ago, but it didn’t do me much good. Hence, the “zero.” […]

Yesterday, I made my piano student, Anna, laugh so hard, she fell backwards off the bench. Then again, it’s pretty easy to make 11-year-olds laugh. All you have to do is say the word “boobie.” The word makes little girls giggle and grown men wiggle in embarrassment. Me? I’m just glad that I have two […]