Biking Samish Flats

Photo by Ken deHaan

Dear Fran,

I told you I was going to go biking and hiking and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

That ShapeUp challenge I was telling you about? It was driving me a bit crazy, but now, I’m turning it into a positive thing. Here’s what I’ve been up to:

July 18: Wrote you a letter
July 19: Bought a Fitbit
July 20: Went for an “outdoor bike” ride.

The reason those words up there are in quotation marks is because I put my Fitbit on (not having a clue as to what I was doing), hopped on my bike with Ken (well, we weren’t on the same bike… that would be weird), and away we went, whizzing down the road without a care in the world, surrounded by farmers’ fields.

When we got back, I went to my office and checked my phone. (I guess they somehow talk to each other.)

A screen popped up that said the following:
Outdoor Bike
Wednesday at 6:51 PM
30 minutes
77 calories
95 average bpm
100% Fat Burn

Okay, I get that bpm stands for heartbeats per minute, but I don’t get what 100% Fat Burn means. The thing that freaks me out the most, though? How the heck did it know that I was going for an outdoor bike ride?

The minute someone purchases a Fitbit, does the store (in my case, Macy’s in Burlington) send out a man in a camouflage suit to start tracking your every move? I can see it it in my (imaginative) mind now: As I’m getting on my bike, huffing and puffing the whole way, Camouflage Man is hanging out in my front ditch eating a greasy hamburger (because he doesn’t care if he’s fit or not) and waiting for me to make a move. “Okay, Macy’s, I think she is finally moving off her couch.” Chomp chomp. “It looks like Last Man Standing on Netflix must be over. Whoop, here she comes. Yep, she’s moving toward her bike. I have to duck down or she’s going to see me.”

Afterward, does he punch in all the information to another fancy little gadget from Macy’s? “Well, that was 30 minutes by my calculations and Case Number 3756—one Mrs. Marie deHaan—is sweating like an absolute pig. Must be… hm… “—doo, doo, doo, doo, doo (man punches information into a calculator)—”… yep, about 95 beats per minute is my guess. Camouflage Man checking out. She’s going back to Netflix….”

How. Did. It. Know?

By the way, do you see that hill off to the left of my head? The one that I always think looks like two boobies? I was laughing out loud (when I was posting this picture) to myself because I’ve never noticed it before but the right boobie is bigger than the left boobie. I will tell you why I think that is so funny another time. Stay tuned for more hilarity….

Best friends always,

Marie