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A Humorous Look at the Bright Side of Cancer... and There Is One

July 25th, 2009

Water Retention 102

Depends DiapersI don’t know what’s with the delayed reaction of the water retention pill I took yesterday morning, but it decided to kick in today on the hour-and-a-half drive to Freeland for my all-day writing class. I wasn’t early, by any means, which didn’t help the situation.

I was only halfway there when it hit me. I began to break out in a cold sweat. I kept thinking, “Where are all the gas stations and stores?” Normally, I liked the fact that they were few and far in between and I could enjoy the ocean view and tall cedars.

I was wearing a new skirt and I looked pretty good. I considered pulling over to the side of the road. I wondered if I would be able to… first of all, not get arrested… second of all, pee without getting it all over my skirt.

The sign said “Freeland: 17 miles” when I was getting close to going off the deep end. Seventeen miles takes forever when your bladder cannot contain another drop.

I reminisced about joking with one of the chemotherapy nurses (when she explained the possibility of diarrhea as a side effect) that I should get some Depends diapers just in case. I really wished I had one now. It didn’t matter that I was driving 55 miles per hour; I would find a way to get that diaper on.

When I got to the class, the teacher greeted me warmly. I threw my purse, 88,000-word manuscript, laptop, and notes for the new cancer book down on the table and yelled, “Where’s the bathroom?!” Of course, it was being used. Would the agony never end?

I may just go buy some Depends Diapers yet.

 

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Marie de Haan

Marie de Haan

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