UnderwearHi Bestie,

Remember I was telling you about the 300-pound man riding his bike around in his tighty-whities? Well, while I wouldn’t ride a bike around in my underwear, I wanted to tell you about my latest dilemna.

When a person gains 28 pounds, it… uh… makes a person’s underwear really uncomfortable. My old underwear are stretchy, but face it, there’s a limit to how much certain materials will stretch over one’s burgeoning ass.

Last Friday, I was still trying to get my body back in order—from all of these sleepless nights and hyper madness. Mid-morning, I checked my phone for messages. It was my other friend, Susie, responding to my earlier text about offering to help her with the bridal shower she was putting on that afternoon. (I’ve talked about her countless times in this blog and I hang out with her a lot, even though I’m allergic to her.)

“Thank you so much… I think I pretty much have it under control,” she texted. “I could even sneak away for a little Lane Bryant time if that worked out for you.”
I responded immediately, “That sounds like fun. I’m still in bed. Long story, but I could be ready to go within an hour or even less.”

I had discovered the Lane Bryant store in May when my hairdresser told me they had great bras. I haven’t told you, but I’m a horrible bra-shopper, especially since the mastectomy and breast reconstruction. Another one of my friends, Tami, gets after me once in a while and tries to keep me on the straight and narrow like normal women.

I couldn’t get over how excited I was to meet Susie in town for a bigger size of underwear.

Oh boy. I remember the days when I used to party. Maybe not party, because I’ve never been a drinker, but exciting things like bowling, going to the movies, rollerskating, ice-skating, biking, tennis, jogging; you name it, I did it.

What the heck? Here I was, meeting one of my closest friends—don’t worry, no one will ever replace you as my best friend—to buy underwear.

Would you ever go underwear shopping with me?

Best friends always,