That’s Not Something You Think Every Day #5

In the beginning of November, I called my plastic surgeon. This is how the conversation went:

Me: “Hi, Dr. Miller. I’m finishing up my manuscript for the publisher and I have a few questions. You interned for whom? and at what university?”

Him: “Swartz and Pittsburgh.”

Me: “Can I read another paragraph to you to make sure I’m accurate?”

Him: “Sure.”

Me: “Plan A: DIEP procedure. This is the one where they take your stomach and actually cut it off. They reattach it to your body where your breast used to be. Plan B: TRAM procedure. This is where they tunnel the blood vessels, keeping them intact, and stretch the skin over to where your breast used to be.”

Him: “Correct.”

Me: “Punchline.”

Him: “Ha ha ha ha.”

Me: “The editor wanted to know why I have to lose all my weight first before you can construct that nipple for me. I said because you said so.”

Him: “If you are stuck at your weight, we can still do it.”

Stuck at my weight? Yes, Sirree, Bob: for over 20 years now.

Decisions, decisions. Keep beating my head against the wall (to lose weight) or get that elusive nipple now?

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