A Humorous Look at the Bright Side of Cancer...
And There Is One

My Bucket List

March 23, 2013

My Bucket List – Take 3

03_23_2013_cancer_funny_bucket_list_remodeling

Ken, the builder, risking life and limb to inspect the state of our roof.

As I sat watching The Nanny and eating my salad, the lights flickered and the power went out. Five minutes later, it went back on. That’s weird, I thought to myself. It’s windy, but it’s always windy here. I took another bite of my salad and got back into the show. The power went out again.

This had been going on for about a week. I began to think our house might burn down around our ears while we were sleeping. I finally called the power company and our electrician, Chris. They both had bad news: it would cost between $5,000 and $10,000 to repair it properly.

You might remember number one on my bucket list: “Get my dream kitchen.” I felt it slipping away from me as Chris explained that the electrical box was toast.

The next afternoon—frustrated—I drove to Washington Federal to visit the loan officer. “Hi, Colleen? My name is Marie. We’re thinking of bulldozing our house down and starting over. Can you loan us a crap load of money and change our current mortgage to a 30-year loan? We’re in our forties.” I’m sure she thought I was on crack.

She replied, “Well, we’ve made 30-year loans to people in their seventies. Tell me what you’re interested in and I’ll see what we can do.”

“First off, I need a new kitchen. I’ve been stuck in that little hole in the wall for almost fifteen years. Then, there’s the 1955 vintage radiant heat panels in the ceiling that are all cracked and dog-ugly. There are three failed windows left that we haven’t been able to replace yet. Our master bathroom has no hot water, a bare concrete floor, and the sink is leaking. We need a new roof, new siding, and new electrical. And that’s all just for starters.” Wow. I am complaining. There is no other word for it. I just made it through almost four years now after being diagnosed with Stage III locally-advanced breast cancer and instead of rejoicing from the rooftops, I am complaining. Profusely.

Next, it was time to call the contractor. “Hi, Ken, thanks for coming over to give us your expertise.” My husband and I walked him through our fixer-upper. “First of all, we’d like to know which option we should go with: bulldoze the whole thing and start over or remodel this half so that we can get a proper kitchen in here?”

Great news: The contractor does not think our house needs to be bulldozed over. His exact words were, “The house has great bones.” I guess it’s just this homeowner that needs an attitude adjustment.

By |March 2013|My Bucket List|

October 13, 2012

My Bucket List – Take 2

Now that the windows are replaced in all of our bedrooms, I’m starting to notice how badly the master bedroom needs to be repainted. The only problem with that is, I loathe painting. To complicate matters further, I’m changing the color from mossy green to a sky blue.

Worse than gearing myself up to get that room done is having to pick the color out. I just spent over an hour at Karl’s Paints poring over sample cards: Azure Sky… Marlboro Blue… Grandma’s Sweater. Really? Grandma’s Sweater? Who comes up with these names? 

All I know is, I finally had to resort to “eenie, meenie, miney, moe.” My brain hurts.
 

By |October 2012|My Bucket List|

September 22, 2012

My Bucket List – Take 1

Rick, Chris, Ken, & Rich

Rick, Chris, Ken, & Rich

When I was first diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer, I narrowed down many of my life-long dreams into one short bucket list:

1. Get my dream kitchen.
2. Publish a book. 
3. Go to Maui for our 20th anniversary.
4. Fit into my Oprah dress.
5. Get a patio set and concrete poured in the back yard.

They say if you write goals down, they happen. It must be true:

1. Someday.
2. Check.
3. Check.
4. Yeah, we’re not discussing this one.
5. Patio set… check. Concrete… prepping the ground as we speak.

Recently, we refinanced our house in order to accomplish #5. In addition, we’re in the process of replacing all of the bedroom windows. Three out of the five windows had cracks in them or were being held together with duct tape. As useful as that stuff is, it is not attractive in plain view.

As to the hired help? It ain’t what it used to be…

By |September 2012|My Bucket List|

May 28, 2010

Maui Translations

SunburnI’ve learned a few more Hawaiian words here during our dream trip to Maui:

Maui Marijuana… Maui Wowie

My Maui Sunburn… Maui Owie

By |May 2010|My Bucket List|

May 26, 2010

Translating Hawaiian Words

Fat ChickenDuring our dream trip here to Maui, I’ve been learning some of the local language:

Big Beach
Translation: Huge beach; clothing mandatory.

Little Beach
Translation: Small beach; clothing optional.

Humuhumunukunukuapua’a
Translation: Beautiful fish with the snout of a pig.

Marie de Haan (Malia)
Translation: Grown woman keeping bathing suit on with the heart of a big fat chicken.

 

By |May 2010|My Bucket List|