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Mammograms & Mastectomies

March 9, 2016

Dear Fran Drescher #19

March 1, 2016: Michael and I making a day out of getting a mammogram done.

March 1, 2016: Michael and I making a day out of getting a mammogram done.

Dear Fran,

It’s been a long time. What can I say except I’ve been busy. For the past few months, I’ve been trying to find a counselor. I didn’t tell you why, but I told my benefactor all about it.

Then, I went and got a mammogram on March 1, considering it’s been two years since my last mammogram. My son—the boobie-obsessed one—and I made a day of it. He sat out in the lobby while I went in and had my “boob-crusher” appointment. (That’s what my best friend calls it anyway.) Notice I said boob singular. I really wish that they would charge me half-price since I, well, I… uh… only have one side left to crush. Michael and I went to Red Robin afterward and ate way too many fries.

I finally saw the oncologist today so he could go over my mammogram results. I thought I would be in and out scot-free within ten minutes. While the mammogram was clear (which I was pretty certain it would be as I have not found any lumps these past two years), Dr. Hoffman was concerned about an annoying cough I’ve had for the past three months. He ordered a CT scan.

I wanted to sit in the parking lot and cry for half an hour because I was so convinced he was going to say everything was fine. Instead, I called three people: Ken (husband), Jonathan (my other son: obsessed with Russian women), and Tami (my other best friend besides you). Afterward, I sang to a Loverboy CD the whole way home at the top of my lungs.

Best friends always,


February 11, 2016

That’s Not Something You Hear Every Day #27

BraLast weekend, I was in the middle of a rousing game of Euchre when the subject turned to mammograms.

My game partner—we’ll call her Bertha—blurted out, “If I ever end up with a lump, I’ll have to start wearing a bra.”

June 10, 2013

Mammogram Results 2013

I have been waiting and waiting for the mammogram results. Like I mentioned earlier, I was a bit more nervous than I usually am. I called the doctor’s office and they said they hadn’t received any notices from the imaging place. I finally broke down and called the women’s diagnostic center. “Well, the doctor hasn’t signed off on them yet. That’s weird. It’s been about ten days.” Perfect.

I finally received the letter in the mail this week: “We are pleased to inform you that the results of your left breast digital screening mammogram performed on May 22, 2013, are normal and did not show any significant change since your prior study.” My right breast was not mentioned.

Well. Sure would have been nice to get that news a little sooner. Then again, kind of hard to complain when the results are positive.

By |June 2013|Mammograms & Mastectomies|

May 21, 2013

Mammogram… Take Three… Or Is It Four?

I’m losing track of how many mammograms I’ve had. I never thought I’d see the day. Has it been three or four? All I know is that the first one did not go well (“Yes, Maria, you have advanced breast cancer.”) and that I have another one scheduled for tomorrow morning at 9:40.

I was not supposed to go in until August, but I’m going in a few months early because of a few issues I’ve been having.

I talked in my last post about my diet-induced schizophrenia, but I think it’s also spilling over into other areas of my life. I’m trying not to be paranoid about this mammogram tomorrow morning. One minute, I reassure myself that everything is fine and the test will come back negative and the next minute, I’m trying to squish the little niggling voice in my head telling me that “something is wrong.”

One thing is for sure; it’s a good thing I’m not an alcoholic on top of being a schizophrenic or I might be too looped to make it to my appointment tomorrow morning.

By |May 2013|Mammograms & Mastectomies|

September 1, 2012

To-Do List #10

I realize that I’m behind in my blog-posting and forgot to tell everyone the good news. What kind of writer am I to leave people hanging like that? I got an email from my naturopath, Haley, telling me, “Yeah for clean mammogram! Hope you’re having a good summer.”

Well, I’m having a great summer now. It wasn’t so long ago that I felt like I had “one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel” as they say.

So, my to-do list #10 is: “Celebrate the last few weeks of summer because I’m still here.”

By |September 2012|Mammograms & Mastectomies, Uncategorized|