A Humorous Look at the Bright Side of Cancer...
And There Is One

Dear Fran Drescher

January 1, 2019

Dear Fran Drescher #37

December 15, 2018

Dear Fran,

Remember in my last letter to you, I told you about my upcoming nipple surgery?

Well, I ended up getting that nipple on October 1—and four other procedures done—and I must say, it was quite the ordeal. First off, I remember counting back from 100 and the next thing I knew, I thought to myself, “Why is that surgeon sitting on me to work on my boob? Come on, guy, get off me…I can’t breathe when you’re sitting on my chest.”

Suddenly, medical personnel were scrambling, asking me questions and barking out orders: “Get the leads. Can you breathe? Have you had this before? Is the OR ready?”

I could not open my eyes to save my life, or my mouth to speak, but instead felt sticky pieces of tape being applied all over my chest.

All I could do was think, Oh my word, they think I’m having a heart attack.

In fact, Fran, I had had this same feeling before, the previous November when my husband and I went to Maui. The first morning we were there, I couldn’t breathe and I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I knew it wasn’t a panic attack, because I had learned how to conquer those a long time ago.

To make a long story short, I did not have a heart attack on October 1. I do, however, have a new nipple. I will tell you about the other procedures in my next letter to you.

I hope you have a great 2019.

Best friends always,

Marie

By |January 2019|Breast Reconstruction, Dear Fran Drescher|

September 10, 2018

Dear Fran Drescher #36

Hi Fran,

Yes, yes, it’s been a long time. I’ve been super busy with the wackiest things. For example, this was today’s to-do list:

1. Order nipple
 
Yup. I finally made the plunge (considering the rest of my breast reconstruction was on June 27, 2011 for Pete’s sake) and talked to the plastic surgeon this morning. Surgery is set for October 1.

He asked if I wanted an additional surgery to make both breasts the same size. Hmm. Because I haven’t been through the ringer enough with my eight surgeries—eye correction, 3 C-sections, port in, mastectomy, port out, breast reconstruction—thus far.

Did you ever have surgery for your uterine cancer? I will have to re-read your book and find out.

I hope you are doing well. I will try to be better about keeping in touch. I have so much to tell you.

Best friends always,

Marie
By |September 2018|Breast Reconstruction, Dear Fran Drescher|

March 15, 2017

Dear Fran Drescher #35

At Fran Drescher’s Health Summit on October 26, 2016 – Photo by Jodi Rose

Dear Fran,

I just wanted to say that I had a great time this past October at your Health Summit. I learned a lot about cancer and was over-the-moon happy to be able to get my picture taken with you.

Since I have not heard back from you, I think I am going to search for another best friend.

I’m thinking Kathy Bates might be a good fit because of our common breast cancer experience and dealings with lymphedema.

I wish you all the best as you continue to drive around in your Cancer Schmancer van and help women with early detection of cancer.

Marie

 

By |March 2017|Dear Fran Drescher|

October 25, 2016

Dear Fran Drescher #34

Oceanside Pier - October 25

Oceanside Pier – October 25

Fran, Fran, Fran!

I haven’t written you since October 4 (when I told you about my uneven boobies).

I have great news. I am sitting in Oceanside right now, sending you this letter, but tomorrow, I am going to meet you in person.

I already had a trip planned for Southern California when I heard you were hosting the Fran Drescher’s Health Summit 2016. Of course, I signed up right away. And then had a dream about it. I told my Facebook friends all about it:

I had a dream that I was at the Fran Drescher’s Health Summit 2016. Fran was sitting at a round table and it was my turn for the meet-and-greet. I relayed to her that I had written 33 pretend letters to her on my cancer blog because she was such an inspiration to me while I was going through my own cancer treatment, and she was so touched by my kindness and attentiveness, she had to dab the tears away from her eyes.

When I woke up from the dream, I told my husband Ken, “I got to talk to Fran Drescher for twenty minutes all by myself and I made her cry. It was awesome.”

I also told Ken, “Here’s how it’s really going to go: I will shake her hand—one of sixty lined up in a row for the meet-and-greet—and I will have exactly ten seconds to drool all over myself and mumble something like, ‘Hey, bestie, letters…blog…I’m stalking you…’ while Jodi Rose, my photographer and friend, snaps pictures of my big bahookie from behind. The security guy will swoop in and say, ‘Did I hear someone say stalking?’ and drag me away, kicking and screaming.”

I look forward to having a mimosa with you tomorrow morning. Cheers!

Best friends always,

Marie

By |October 2016|Dear Fran Drescher|

October 4, 2016

Dear Fran Drescher #33

August 7, 2016 - Hiking Little Mountain

August 7 – Hiking Little Mountain

Dear Fran,

Back on July 27, I wrote you, “By the way, do you see that hill off to the left of my head? The one that I always think looks like two boobies? I was laughing out loud (when I was posting this picture) to myself because I’ve never noticed it before but the right “boobie” is bigger than the left “boobie.” I will tell you why I think that is so funny another time. Stay tuned for more hilarity….”

You probably thought I forgot all about it, but that’s not true.

I have been biking and hiking, camping, road-tripping to Boise, crabbing with friends, and finishing up a manuscript for my editor. I have been a busy bee.

The real reason I haven’t told you yet, though, is because it’s a bit embarrassing. I said, “Stay tuned for more hilarity” but it really isn’t that funny.

You see, when I had my breast reconstruction done several years ago, the doctor used my stomach to make the new breast. He explained to me that because the blood vessels were still attached, any time I gained weight—because women tend to gain weight in their stomachs before their breasts—my (new) right “breast” would gain weight faster than the left (real) breast. And, he was right.

If I gain just five pounds (which I do on a regular basis… I’ve complained about that to you before), my right breast gets bigger than my left.

It’s kind of hard to hide this fact from the general public. I pretty much wear the tightest sports bra I can find and hope for the best. And try to keep my weight down, of course.

So, now you know why I was laughing at those hills in front of my house. They’re just like me.

Best friends always,

Marie

By |October 2016|Breast Reconstruction, Dear Fran Drescher|