A Humorous Look at the Bright Side of Cancer...
And There Is One

Dear Fran Drescher

September 10, 2018

Dear Fran Drescher #36

Hi Fran,

Yes, yes, it’s been a long time. I’ve been super busy with the wackiest things. For example, this was today’s to-do list:

1. Order nipple
 
Yup. I finally made the plunge (considering the rest of my breast reconstruction was on June 27, 2011 for Pete’s sake) and talked to the plastic surgeon this morning. Surgery is set for October 1.

He asked if I wanted an additional surgery to make both breasts the same size. Hmm. Because I haven’t been through the ringer enough with my eight surgeries—eye correction, 3 C-sections, port in, mastectomy, port out, breast reconstruction—thus far.

Did you ever have surgery for your uterine cancer? I will have to re-read your book and find out.

I hope you are doing well. I will try to be better about keeping in touch. I have so much to tell you.

Best friends always,

Marie
By |September 2018|Breast Reconstruction, Dear Fran Drescher|

March 15, 2017

Dear Fran Drescher #35

At Fran Drescher’s Health Summit on October 26, 2016 – Photo by Jodi Rose

Dear Fran,

I just wanted to say that I had a great time this past October at your Health Summit. I learned a lot about cancer and was over-the-moon happy to be able to get my picture taken with you.

Since I have not heard back from you, I think I am going to search for another best friend.

I’m thinking Kathy Bates might be a good fit because of our common breast cancer experience and dealings with lymphedema.

I wish you all the best as you continue to drive around in your Cancer Schmancer van and help women with early detection of cancer.

Marie

 

By |March 2017|Dear Fran Drescher|

October 25, 2016

Dear Fran Drescher #34

Oceanside Pier - October 25

Oceanside Pier – October 25

Fran, Fran, Fran!

I haven’t written you since October 4 (when I told you about my uneven boobies).

I have great news. I am sitting in Oceanside right now, sending you this letter, but tomorrow, I am going to meet you in person.

I already had a trip planned for Southern California when I heard you were hosting the Fran Drescher’s Health Summit 2016. Of course, I signed up right away. And then had a dream about it. I told my Facebook friends all about it:

I had a dream that I was at the Fran Drescher’s Health Summit 2016. Fran was sitting at a round table and it was my turn for the meet-and-greet. I relayed to her that I had written 33 pretend letters to her on my cancer blog because she was such an inspiration to me while I was going through my own cancer treatment, and she was so touched by my kindness and attentiveness, she had to dab the tears away from her eyes.

When I woke up from the dream, I told my husband Ken, “I got to talk to Fran Drescher for twenty minutes all by myself and I made her cry. It was awesome.”

I also told Ken, “Here’s how it’s really going to go: I will shake her hand—one of sixty lined up in a row for the meet-and-greet—and I will have exactly ten seconds to drool all over myself and mumble something like, ‘Hey, bestie, letters…blog…I’m stalking you…’ while Jodi Rose, my photographer and friend, snaps pictures of my big bahookie from behind. The security guy will swoop in and say, ‘Did I hear someone say stalking?’ and drag me away, kicking and screaming.”

I look forward to having a mimosa with you tomorrow morning. Cheers!

Best friends always,

Marie

By |October 2016|Dear Fran Drescher|

October 4, 2016

Dear Fran Drescher #33

August 7, 2016 - Hiking Little Mountain

August 7 – Hiking Little Mountain

Dear Fran,

Back on July 27, I wrote you, “By the way, do you see that hill off to the left of my head? The one that I always think looks like two boobies? I was laughing out loud (when I was posting this picture) to myself because I’ve never noticed it before but the right “boobie” is bigger than the left “boobie.” I will tell you why I think that is so funny another time. Stay tuned for more hilarity….”

You probably thought I forgot all about it, but that’s not true.

I have been biking and hiking, camping, road-tripping to Boise, crabbing with friends, and finishing up a manuscript for my editor. I have been a busy bee.

The real reason I haven’t told you yet, though, is because it’s a bit embarrassing. I said, “Stay tuned for more hilarity” but it really isn’t that funny.

You see, when I had my breast reconstruction done several years ago, the doctor used my stomach to make the new breast. He explained to me that because the blood vessels were still attached, any time I gained weight—because women tend to gain weight in their stomachs before their breasts—my (new) right “breast” would gain weight faster than the left (real) breast. And, he was right.

If I gain just five pounds (which I do on a regular basis… I’ve complained about that to you before), my right breast gets bigger than my left.

It’s kind of hard to hide this fact from the general public. I pretty much wear the tightest sports bra I can find and hope for the best. And try to keep my weight down, of course.

So, now you know why I was laughing at those hills in front of my house. They’re just like me.

Best friends always,

Marie

By |October 2016|Breast Reconstruction, Dear Fran Drescher|

August 3, 2016

Dear Fran Drescher #32

Hiking Fragrance Lake with Jodi Rose July 23, 2016

Dear Fran,

So, where was I when I last left you? Oh yes, hiking and biking my fool head off and trying to learn how to work my Fitbit.

I told you about this Shapeup Challenge I have to take part in for our health insurance plan, right? I have to keep track of my steps, my weight (blech), and how much I exercise.

Another requirement was to get a blood test done. Now, my blood has been tested to death over these past seven years—since getting cancer in 2009—along with my heart (nine of those tests were done), my liver, my bones, and my brain.

I don’t know if I told you, but Dr. Martinez told me when I was 14 that I had to stay away from sugar because of the six-hour glucose tolerance test he had performed on me.

I’ve also had about 352 people tell me to stay away from sugar—don’t get me wrong, I know they all mean well—because cancer “feeds on sugar.” If I got a dollar for every time that someone has spouted those (wretched) words to me, well, you know the line….

Do I think sugar is bad for you? Yes. Do I think that all people should stay away from it? Probably. Do I get resentful of my friends that a) drink alcohol (pure liquid sugar) on a regular basis, b) eat way more desserts than I do, c) are skinny, and d) don’t have cancer? Sadly, yes. Do I wish those same friends would get fat and end up with cancer? Of course not.

What I’m saying is, while I sometimes go off the deep end and eat four Nestlé Drumsticks in one sitting—especially when it’s PMS time—I eat uber healthy the rest of the time. And I’m still overweight. And nearing diabetes. And got cancer.

While I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m not like other people when it comes to getting away with eating sugar, I am also trying not to use this as an excuse. I could blame my thyroid over and over, but that doesn’t do me any good either. I’m getting off my butt (literally), and trying to do something about it.

Fragrance Lake

July 23, 2016

Back to this blood test I started telling you about… I guess a person’s blood sugar should be between 65 and 99. Here’s what my blood sugar has been doing for the past three years:

2014: 73
2015: 91
2016: 108

I tend to eat sugar when I’m stressed out. Or happy. Or sad. Or on vacation. Crap. No wonder I’m fat and in need of a Fitbit.

I’m going to try my darnedest to get my blood sugar back under control and not get diabetes and/or a recurrence of cancer. I want to remain your bestie for a long, long time to come.

Best friends always,

Marie

 

 

 

By |August 2016|Dear Fran Drescher|