A Humorous Look at the Bright Side of Cancer...
And There Is One

Boobie Jokes

February 11, 2016

That’s Not Something You Read Every Day #8

Boobies Make Me Smile

June 23, 2014

It’s nice to know that my son is like every other red-blooded male out there: obsessed with boobies. (He also wrote about this same subject on the whiteboard in my hospital room during my breast reconstruction.)

All those years ago, when all my parts were still intact, I took my body for granted. The day I had my right breast removed against my will because of the cancer wreaking havoc in my body was one of the worst things I’ve ever gone through, especially mentally. All these years later, I’ve had to accept it. It’s not like I can get it back.

Besides, it kind of puts things into perspective when I realize my husband loves me just the way I am. Surely, that is something to smile and rejoice about. That, and the fact that I’m still alive.

 

By |February 2016|Boobie Jokes, That's Not Something You...|

February 11, 2016

That’s Not Something You Hear Every Day #27

BraLast weekend, I was in the middle of a rousing game of Euchre when the subject turned to mammograms.

My game partner—we’ll call her Bertha—blurted out, “If I ever end up with a lump, I’ll have to start wearing a bra.”

February 20, 2014

That’s Not Something You Hear Every Day #26

 

Jonathan - January 1, 2014

Jonathan – January 1, 2014

It was January 17, 2014.
“Hey, Jonathan, come here.” I sat at my desk reading over the email I had received from Katrina Thompson (nee West) of Kat West Beads.
He bounded over.
“This woman,” I pointed at her picture, “was diagnosed with two different types of cancer, she loved my book, and now wants to meet me. What’s freaking me out is, her maiden name is the same as the character in my unpublished novel—the one I wrote before I got cancer.
“Are you serious?”
“Yes,” I answered. “She even has the same nickname.”
“That’s so weird.”
You’re telling me. Stuff like this happens all the time. I should be used to it by now. “Look,” I pointed again, “she worked in mammography for 21 years. That’s a long time. You know what that is, right? Mammograms?” I placed one hand in front of each breast (now that I have two again) and made a squeezing motion. “My first mammogram didn’t go so—”
“That’s a great job,” Jonathan interrupted.
“I know,” I responded without thinking and continued to babble. “So, anyway, we’re going to get together…”
He watched and waited. He knew me so well.
“Wait a minute, Jonathan.” It finally dawned on me what he meant. “Very funny. Actually, that is pretty funny.”
I don’t know what it is with men and their obsession with breasts, but apparently, both my sons have it.

By |February 2014|Boobie Jokes, That's Not Something You...|

April 29, 2013

Friends All Over The World

April 29, 2013 Visiting Lei in Maui

April 29, 2013
Visiting Lei in Maui

I’ve talked about my rock star friend in the U.K.

I’ve also made a friend on the island of Maui. Ken and I ate lunch with her today. We talked and laughed together for over two hours and it was one of the highlights of my whole trip.

I first met Lei when Ken and I went there for our 20th anniversary three years ago. She was our friendly vacation planner. For those of you who have read my book, you will remember her from Chapter 23:

“Yes, I used to be a dancer. All I kept from those days is the hair.” She paused. “And the coconuts. They’re hanging from the wall.”
Her voice had such a lilting quality to it. I was mesmerized. I was also impressed with how fit she still appeared to be. I didn’t have any coconuts hanging on my wall. I would only need one if I did. Maybe I should take up hula dancing….”

Well, I haven’t taken up hula dancing; I’d probably break a hip if I tried. However, I do have an invitation from Lei to come back to one of her retreats on Maui just for women. Woot-woot.

By |April 2013|Boobie Jokes|

November 14, 2012

All I Want For Christmas is… Well…

I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon this morning. I was supposed to see him last November, but typical Maria-fashion, I put it off as long as possible.

I tried to avoid this appointment, too, by slithering in to ask his receptionist a week ago if I could get my question answered without having to actually see the doctor.

“Yes,” I whispered, leaning through the opening as far as possible without landing in her lap, “can you tell me if… uh… I got another…” I glanced around the waiting room. An older gentleman sat reading a magazine and a young man in his 20s texted on his phone. Erg. How the heck am I going to do this?

She was not clueing in at all to my discomfort. I plunged ahead. “Are reconstructed nipples three-dimensional or flat?” I held my hand over my right boob to demonstrate and really hoped the men in the lobby couldn’t hear or see me.

She turned her unconcerned face toward me. “You’ll have to ask the doctor about that on the 14th at 11:00.”

“Uh. Oh. Okay.” I tried to shake it off as a joke. “I guess I’ll ask him all about it next week then. It’s not like I want to Google ‘nipple’ into my home computer.”

By |November 2012|Boobie Jokes, Breast Reconstruction, Uncategorized|